Day 1.

Of "The Break". Yes I'm hoping for it to end in my favor, but that's only because I believe in myself.
I'm running on no false hope of mine. I'm right.
I am risking baring all... and weeks from now... a month from now... still not getting what I want.
Still not being able to prove that this is good.

The only risk I'm running is me doing exactly what I want, and the person I want to share myself with rejecting me for ME this time... But I'm still running.

Today is okay... I don't think I've cried. That I remember. I woke up feeling okay. Made a phone call. Took an hour long nap. Made food. Showered. And now i'm waiting to go to work...
Tomorrow I think I'll try to go to one of those doctors I was recommended to... and call that lady to get into the program I tried to get into like a month ago.

I already feel in control of myself again... but I still get those sinking feelings every time the slightest thought bothers me... but I no longer react on them. I don't allow them to come out and become REAL for me anymore.
And with that out of my way... I'm free. Now I go about things how I want to, and I can do that with clearer vision. But I'm still waiting for one more thing... a very special person to see all of this.
It will all be here, and it will remain here even if he never sees.

But I want exactly what he wants... for real this time.

Love Always,
Me

Number 6

Number 5

((I do too many surveys...))

Who was the last person or object you shared beds with?
-Bryan and my dog.

What's your relationship with the person you last talked to?
-He's my boyfrand!! :]

Where was your default picture was taken?
-Well... the one for my blog was taken at my dad's.

Do you consider yourself a neat freak?
-Nooo. Ha.

Did you get enough sleep last night?
-I did.

Do you have anyones clothes?
-Yesh.

Do you have a fish tank?
-Nope.

Last place you took a plane to?
-Nowhere.

Would you tell a stranger if they had spinach in their teeth?
-Umm... sure why not?

If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
-Possibly. If I ended up in a place in my life where I REALLY wanted a kid.

Have you ever lied about your age?
-Yes.

Last time you went out of town?
-Hmm... HIM concert in Baltimore. Last month, I think it was?

Whose car were you in last?
-Brybabe's.

Who do you most look like in your family?
-Dad.

Have you kissed someone with braces?
-Once.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
-Not usually.

Do you like to travel by plane?
-I never have. I think the idea scares me... but I think once I did it, I wouldn't mind it.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
-Yeah.

Has anyone ever hung up on you?
-Yeah.

Looking forward to something this weekend?
-The weekend is pretty much over.

Do you have any bruises?
-Yeah.

Do you find piercings attractive?
-If the person is attractive, then in most cases, yeah.

Who was the last person you sat next to?
-Bryan.

What is the worst subject they teach at school?
-...Meh. Math? lol

If you had 100 dollars to spend on clothes, where would you go to shop?
-The mall?

Do long distance relationships work?
-For some people.

Where were you raised?
-Here.

When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
-Like 10 minutes ago.

What is on your bed right now?
-Blankets... pillows... dog...

Do you name your stuffed animals?
-No.

What's the last sporting event you watched?
-Little bit of a hockey game.

Do you think you are an argumentative person?
-I can be.

Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?
-Rottie.

What jewelry do you wear all the time?
-Lip ring.

Have you ever had a difficult relationship?
-Yes.

Ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs?
-Ugh. Yes... but for the record, the drugs were not for me. And I kind of got tricked into going. Both times.

Are your ears gauged?
-Nope.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
-Fine.

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
-Fashion Bug...

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
-Yes.

What do you usually do first in the morning?
-Pee... check my phone... internet.

What are you doing tonight?
-Nothing.

Number 4

For your last kiss, were your eyes closed and did you have to be on your tip toes?
-Yes my eyes were closed, and no I do not believe I was on my tip toes.

How often do you honestly say "I wanna die"?
-Lol... I don't keep tabs.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?
-Naww.

Do you like cold and rainy days, or warm and sunny?
-I enjoy both.

Are you nervous about anything?
-Slightly.

What is your current annoyance?
-I ate way too much and I regret it.

Do you drink bottled water?
-Yes.

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?
-Yes.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
-No. They're better now. <3 And will continue to get better.

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11?
-Not a damn thing.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
-Of course.

Have you ever thrown up while intoxicated?
-Indeed I have.

Whats one thing you can't stand?
-Eating too much :(

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
-Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Would you date a 13 year old at the age you are now?
-Holy fuck balls, NO!

How often do you drink energy drinks?
-Pretty much never.

Ever ditched out on plans to do something better with someone else?
-I wouldn't put it like that... but yeah. Ha.

How many people know your deepest, darkest secret?
-I'm not even sure what it is.

You're trapped in a room for 3 days with the person you fell the hardest for?
-K! :)

You open the door and it's Lil Wayne you:
-Wonder why the hell he's at my house.

Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail?
-Nooo.

Anything bothering you right now?
-Mehhhhhh not really.

How many people can you say you truly loved?
-Bleh... I don't fucking know. I don't think about that shit.

Let's be honest, the last person you texted is..
-Myyyyy boyfriend <3

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
-Yeah.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
-Nope.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
-Fashion Bug?? Lol

What happened at 3:00 am today?
-Sleep happened. And cuddles :)

Do you tend to get in fights?
-Verbal... I've been prone to lately. :( But things are gonna be different now. I'm not letting bullshit "worries and paranoia" get the best of ME. Fuck that.

What do you hear?
-Nothing.

Are you ticklish?
-Dear sweet jesus, yes.

Are you satisfied with your life right now?
-Yah.

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
-Yep.

Do you have any terrifying fears?
-Well any fear is terrifying... or at least qualifies to be... seeing as it is a 'fear'. Uh durr?

Who did you like in '09? Initials only.
-B.R.M.

Do you think it’s a bunch of bull shit when people say “I have no regrets"?
-Well up until recently, I pretty much didn't. So it's entirely possible.

There's a serial killer inside your house. What do you do?
-Ugh. Die of a panic attack. xD

Ever cried in front of your number one?
-Yes.

How many months until your birthday? Days?
-Like... 9 months? Something like that. I don't ACTUALLY feel like doing the math.

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
-Playfully.

Chicken or steak?
-Chicken.

Are you thinking of someone right now?
-Always.

How was last night?
-Great, overall.

If you look straight ahead past your computer screen, what do see?
-A wall.

Who was the last person to make you cry?
-Myself?

Where did you sleep last night?
-My room.

The person you like texts you at 4am saying "come outside" what do you do?
-Go the fuck outside. Duh.

Are you grumpy or happy?
-Right now, I'm too exhausted to give a shit.

Do you wish someone was with you right now?
-Yessss.

Are you okay right now?
-I am.

Do you keep things in your bra?
-Nah.

What's wrong with you right now?
-Nothing.

Do you like your cell phone? Or do you wish you had a new one?
-I like it.

Do you know your number one best friend's middle name?
-Yep.

Would you ever snap your cell phone in half, if you could get a better one?
-No sense in that.

Do you like beer or hard liquor?
-Liquor.

How do you take your coffee?
-I don't.

If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one?
-Haaa... on my phone, not so bad. Computer... oh man...

Would you ever make out with your #1?
-Noo.

Can you tie a cherry in a knot with your tongue?
-Never tried. Doubt it. I have a small tongue.

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now?
-Would be nice. But then again, I am butt fucking tired.

Is heartbreak really as bad as it sounds?
-Depends on the person. For me; at the time it's happening, yeah.

Reason for the last tear shed?
-Frustration.

When?
-Last night.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
-Yep.

Facial hair on guys: yes or no?
-Yeahhh. But no wolf-men...

Do you take off your makeup before bedtime?
-Most of the time.

Does Mcdonalds make you sick?
-Usually leaves me wishing I hadn't eaten it... yeah.

Where is your biological mother right now?
-Asleep in the next room.

If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
-Fuck. Yes.

When was the last time you felt like throwing up?
-Nowwwww.

If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
-Depends on who it was, and whether they were being serious or not.

Ever done your make-up in class?
-Not that I recall.

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
-Rarely.

Do you have a bedtime?
-No.

Are your toenails painted?
-Nope.

Are you wearing clothes?
-Yes.