Day 1.

Of "The Break". Yes I'm hoping for it to end in my favor, but that's only because I believe in myself.
I'm running on no false hope of mine. I'm right.
I am risking baring all... and weeks from now... a month from now... still not getting what I want.
Still not being able to prove that this is good.

The only risk I'm running is me doing exactly what I want, and the person I want to share myself with rejecting me for ME this time... But I'm still running.

Today is okay... I don't think I've cried. That I remember. I woke up feeling okay. Made a phone call. Took an hour long nap. Made food. Showered. And now i'm waiting to go to work...
Tomorrow I think I'll try to go to one of those doctors I was recommended to... and call that lady to get into the program I tried to get into like a month ago.

I already feel in control of myself again... but I still get those sinking feelings every time the slightest thought bothers me... but I no longer react on them. I don't allow them to come out and become REAL for me anymore.
And with that out of my way... I'm free. Now I go about things how I want to, and I can do that with clearer vision. But I'm still waiting for one more thing... a very special person to see all of this.
It will all be here, and it will remain here even if he never sees.

But I want exactly what he wants... for real this time.

Love Always,
Me